What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 12:08
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i lived it daily.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
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But it wasn’t much.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What do flat earthers think about Antarctica?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
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This is how, and why children get BPD.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was scared of men, in general
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I don,t even have a pension.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I will be 64.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
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And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So whats the point in blame.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Is it true that schizophrenia can sometimes be a demonic attack or black magic?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I have no regrets .
My life is so biszare .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Why does my sister want to have sex with me? What should I do?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But ive been too sick for many years..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I was seconnd youngest,
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I said to her
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Put me off passion for life!!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Ive learnt so much.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was 9 years of age.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She loved him until the end.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She married twice! .
Comes on , in middle age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What did i know ?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He resisted the act ,that day.
One cannot live in the past .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We all went to grammer schools
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So, i spoilt her more .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
We were not on the streets..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She found it foreign!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Who then, do I blame.?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I waited trembling.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
This is soul school!.
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She wouldn,t have been !
Would this be the day?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Especially a lifetime of it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Im still living with it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Was to survive, this bastard.
It was going to be , some day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When she asked me how she looked .
My family never makes their pension either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But, we were locked up after school.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I write beautiful poetry .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
All the time i was locked up.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.